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to this day. Lisbeth spent her 18th birthday in Winter Haven Hospital Crisis Unit. She has been in and out of crisis units and hospitals part of every year except two. Just when things seem to be going along well and she thinks she is going to have a continuing near normal life, her body chemistry creates chaos again. She was ill while she was pregnant in late '82 and most of '83 because they could not give her sufficient medication without fear of damage to the baby. Sometimes, in the early years, since the medication had serious side effects, but life seemed to be OK, Lisbeth would miss taking her medicine. Apparently her system is very delicately balanced because this would start a chain reaction that wound up as a serious crisis period. Later, since she had to take sleeping medication in addition to heavy doses of her regular medicines, she would not wake up at medicine time.
The main problem, though, for the first 12 years, was the sadistic mental abuse heaped on her by Katrina's father. Why did she keep going back to him? Well, for one thing, Lisbeth is an extremly loyal person, no matter what. These are the reasons she gave me: "I need a place to go Mom, nobody else wants me." & "I can't live with you, and besides, that's my home. All my stuff is there." And later on, after she allowed her little girl's father's parents to adopt her, "It is the only way I can see Katrina once in a while, and keep track of how she is doing when I do not see her." She finally had enough of abuse after her illness became so serious that she spent three years straight in G. P. Wood Memorial Hospital. She did return twice after that. He promises her the moon made of gold with a ring around it to get her back, then promptly starts the abuse again. Both times she left again within a day or two. "I'm not taking it any more, Mom." The trouble is, she is not always real rational when this occurs. One time she tried to hitch-hike to a relative's. When she disappears like this I chew my fingernails till we get her back. Usually she will eventually call me, and either I or my husband and I go get her.
Living with me is not an option. My husband of 12 years is as supportive as he can be, but he cannot relate well to Lisbeth. He has tried. On account of the illness she is too often like a rebellious teenager, even during the better times. She does not want to spend her life "with my Mother". She needs and wants her own space. More than that she desparately needs the kind of love and reassurance, including the physical part, that only a male life partner could give her. And she keeps actively looking for it.

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Here she is on a weekend pass from the Hospital,
approximately '92 or '93.

 Visit at Mom's

She almost always puts on a good front, and often tries to make others laugh, even now.

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That same day, Lisbeth said "This is how I really feel, Mom."

Lisbeth visit Mom #2

During severe crises when she becomes paranoid,
the frustration manifests as irrational anger.

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Here she is on the Hospital campus, with her monthly visit Whopper

Lisbeth at Hospital

and that wonderful smile!

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Another weekend pass, another time, and a visit wih Grandpa Clark

Lisbeth & Grandpa

(who also loved you very much, Lisbeth).

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In 1994, Lisbeth met Eddie. Even though not totally well, she had two very happy years. Seemed like "heaven" to her. Here she is in 1995, in my boathouse, visiting with her niece. Jamie was on a visit to Grandmom, from Rochester, NY.

Lisbeth 1995

A little dim in there, but I can still see her smile and cutting up.

(on my monitor)

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St. Valentine's Day, 1996, Eddie threw a HUGE birthday party for Lisbeth.

Lisbeth & Mom

It was an especially happy day and night.

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Eddie and "Mama", as he insists on calling me.

Eddie & 'Mama'

Eddie - Eduardo: he is Hispanic. He does not speak much English. (Lisbeth took Spanish in High School and now knows more.) He is not "educated". He was (and is) poor. I like him very much. I like people of any and all ethnic groups anyway (Rainbow). But Eddie, in spite of his major error, is a very special guy. Eddie worships the ground Lisbeth walks on. To him she is perfect, beautiful, "my baby". He took such good care of Lisbeth. He would wake her with love and a kiss to take her morning medicine. And reminded her at the other times. He saw that she kept her doctor appointments. In the beginning I took him to an interpreter friend and explained about Lisbeth's serious illness. A couple months later, he had to put her in the crisis unit. He went to see her every visiting day. He said to me, "Lissabeth mucho loco, but I love. She com a home, no go horspittal more. Nada. My LOVE make her well." More important, every single day he would tell her how beautiful she was, and how much he loved her. And I mean every day.
Like I said, he is poor. He wanted money to do more for Lisbeth. In July, 1996, he delivered something he should not have for a "friend" and for money. Turns out he was the "fall guy". He now has another three years to be away before he can return to caring for Lisbeth. Lisbeth made it living on her own until January 1997. She refused to leave the little old house they had shared together. I called her three times a day for her medications, provided transportation to the doctor, etc., and visited at her home several times a week. I took her to visit Eddie about once a month. She kept saying he was innocent and would be home after "court in January". Of course he could not come home. At the same time, Lisbeth became toxic to one of her medications that January. The combination was way too much for her delicately balanced body chemistry. From January to July, '97, she was in the crises unit so many times that the record shows she was out of the hospital only 80 days! Because of her talents and courage, the hospital staff kept trying. In July, they had to give up and send her for long term care at G.P. Wood Memorial Hospital. She endangered herself or others too many times. (very seriously, like walking down middle of Highway, or leaving the oven and all the burners on all day. I barely caught it in time.)

Eddie writes to her and to me. He sends cards.
He is very remorseful and has promised that when he returns he will "take care of Lisbeth the rest of my life".
I pray this will be so, and that it will not be too late for Lisbeth.

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September, 1999: As of this update Lisbeth has been in the hospital for two years this time. Throughout the first year she was on suicide watch. She just got so discouraged and at that time felt she could not stand to cope with the disease any more, even with medication. She lost so much weight due to refusal to eat, that at one point, the bones in her neck and shoulder were too prominent.
She has rallied. She is "waiting for Eddie". She is not well, and has to cope with the "voices" that she knows are not of her own volition, but due to the abnormal electrical discharges, even though on heavy medication. Sometimes she slurs her speech - from the medication, and knows it. But, unfortunately the medication is necessary to keep her able to function at all, even in the hospital setting.
I have had a difficult time lately, staying together, when I visit. She has said to me "don't worry Mom, I am OK. God and Goddess chose this path for me and I just have to make the best of it." Part of taking herself into a fantasy world is deliberate. It is an escape, and a way to cope with the disease. She always manages to pull herself together for an hour or two so we can have a visit. If you could see how much she appreciates the visits, and just little things, like a bag of Fritos, you would visit, and take a small gift too.

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Katrina Pets & Poetry Pages

Update 2001 - 2003 Back to Lisbeth main page

Reality's Border

Lisbeth site updated, new counter started 05/06/03

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Created with Love
Created with Notepad
February 9, 1999

Thank you e(verybodys)webtribe for providing this page for Lisbeth.